


memories raw

by ectocosme



Series: Bad things happen bingo! [2]
Category: The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Exhaustion, Gen, Lan Xichen being a good bro, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 13:47:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15775335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ectocosme/pseuds/ectocosme
Summary: Lan Wangji works so his failures don't eat his thoughts.prompt: lwj + worked himself to exhaustion





	memories raw

Lan Wangji licked his parched lips and declared the class over. The disciples saluted him as he left, allowing them to rest. After the Sunshot Campaign things were settling down and they young surviving disciples had triple the lessons to catch up onto. Lan Qiren had to teach Lan Xichen how to lead the sect and Lan Wangji took most of his classes to lower the burden from his uncle's shoulders. He wanted them to have time to cultivate and rest. For that Lan Wangji was willing to bear the work of three cultivators.

It occupied his thoughts.

Leaving the class he made his way to the next one, teaching the little ones who still struggled with their calligraphy. With them, his mind was in the present and not focused on the hole in his chest that ate at his strength and grew its roots through his stomach.

“Good evening, master,” they said in unison.

Lan Wangji meet each pair of eyes, noticing yet again on their features which one of the disciples were orphans and which one had been away when the killing started. He nodded at them, giving one of his rare smiles so they'd be content and sat down. For a moment his mind was fuzzy and he forgot on which subject he had wanted the lesson to be about.

He exhaled slowly and choose a different topic. If he had said to the young disciples what they would learn today and were surprised by the change, none of them made a remark.

After his last lesson, Lan Wangji went to train his cultivation. When the beal for the evening meal rang, he went back inside to clean, walking with irritation for his exercise had been poor, his body responding too slowly and his mind being sluggish.

He hoped a good meal would set everything back on track.

“Wangji,” his brother said with a smile when he sat next to him. He looked worn out and yawned behind his sleeve a few times. “Ah, roasted lotus buns. It's been a long time older sister did some.”

Lan Wangji took one mechanically and bite into it as his mind filled with Wei Wuxian's smile and his babbling about how they cooked lotus seeds in Lotus Pier. The good taste of the bun turned sour in his mouth. He swallowed with difficulty and disregarded the plat, he even put it on his brother's table to make him happy.

“I'm glad everything is coming back to normal.”

The bun seemed to ascend back through Lan Wangji's throat. The soft whisper of his brother and the way he looked at the sect eating and chatting in low murmurs tugged at Lan Wangji's heart. For him, nothing seemed normal. His world was permanently crooked.

“Mn.”

“You don't think so,” Lan Xichen added, a sad smile on his lips. “It's okay, you don't have to think I'm right every time.”

Lan Wangji nodded and finished his meal in silence, licking his lips a few times to humidify them and drinking a lot.

Before his bedtime, he copied a half the pages of a lent book which was itself a copy of one that burnt in the Cloud Recesses' library. When his eyes started to sting, he stood up, cleaned himself and prepared for bed. He was inside when he heard the bell announcing the hour and the time to sleep and yet, once again, his mind found no sufficient peace to fall instantly asleep.

Lan Wangji sat in his bed, put a Sound Array to block the sounds going outside and took his guqin, laying not far from him. His fingers hovered above the string as his mind blanked a second, he blinked, layering his dry eyes with humidity, and then played.

For the last two days, he had played half the night before exhaustion hit him and he fell asleep sitting. Playing occupied him as he couldn't fall asleep and it gave more time for Wei Wuxian's soul to answer. With how he died, even answering Inquiry would put a strain on his tired soul.

Eyes closed, Lan Wangji played for a long time, receiving no answer and still trying.

“ _Go sleep_.”

The words startled him, his finger curled too hard on a string which broke. Sharp pain ascended from his hand through his arm. He sat still, heart beating fast and his fuzzy mind only able to focus on the blood running down his arm and tainting his sleeve.

_Was it a hallucination?_

Lan Wangji stood up to find a bandage, mind numb. Black filled his vision as he lost all control over himself. He gasped when he hit the floor and stared at his ceiling, blinking to chase the black.

"Wangji?" Lan Xichen called, his face suddenly above Lan Wangji, telling him he had lost consciousness and his array broke too. Lan Wangji sat with the help of his brother, "I heard the guqin strings breaking and your fall."

“Apologies,” Lan Wangji said numbly as he stared at a foggy Wei Wuxian of fifteen years old smiling at him. A blink and the image was gone.

"Wangji," Lan Xichen called in a sweet voice, cradling his cheek to meet his eyes. "You work too much. Big brother is glad for your help, but you need to sleep too."

Lan Wangji opened his mouth but found no strength in him to answer his brother so he could explain how hard finding sleep was when he could only see Wei Wuxian's sneering at him, telling him to get away and never return, how his biggest failure had pierced his heart and the wound didn't show sign of healing yet. He could only stare at his bleeding hand, Lan Xichen having pressed a clean cloth on it.

“Let big brother take care of you,” Lan Xichen coaxed, rubbing Lan Wangji's back. “Come, let's get you to bed.”

Lan Xichen kissed the top of his head, surprising him and guided him back to his bed. He tucked Lan Wangji inside then worked on cleaning up his hand and taking care of it as he hummed a sweet melody that finally lulled Lan Wangji to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> since it's lan zhan maybe I'll have a comment for it? (｡•́︿•̀｡)


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